A to Z – The ABC’s of Me: U



This is my seventh year of participation in the A to Z Challenge. My intent this year is to share a little bit about me each day… the good, the bad, and the ugly… so you can get to know “the woman behind the words” a little better!

I was and still am physically uncoordinated. I had trouble learning to ride a bicycle, and gym class was a nightmare for me.  I do well to walk upright on two feet, much less stand on my hands or do cartwheels! 🙂 As I get older I find that I also have balance issues that require me to be extra careful on uneven surfaces, or when negotiating curbs, etc. My greatest fear is falling.  I feel  of the steps of a vacation cabin once years ago and I really don’t want to experience that, or worse, again!

We moved from the town where we were living in the middle of my first grade school year. I learned quickly that groups of friends had already formed in kindergarten and I felt the initial sting of being unwanted and unaccepted as part of the group. That feeling has followed me through life.

I have always felt ugly and uncomfortable in my own skin; it took many years to realize that I am different from most  people, and to learn to love myself as I am, as God created me to be.

One of the benefits of going through lots of struggles in life, both internally and in terms of actual experiences, is that you develop an understanding of and an empathy for other people.  You learn that not all struggles show, you learn acceptance in spite of differences, you learn compassion.

I have also learned that we are given lessons in life to teach us where are thinking and choices are wrong, and those lessons will continue to be presented to us in various forms until we finally learn them.  I was a slow learner for many years when it came to lessons… stubborn and rebellious, and often angry about the unfairness of life.

I am happy to say that my heart is finally more open to accepting the truth of our existence here, the meaning and the purpose, and that when we live in accord with our spiritual nature we end up being far more happy and at peace than we ever could be of our own devise.  When we understand that lessons can be a blessing, we no longer feel the sting of emotions that were originally connected to them.

One more bit of trivia about my life that you might find interesting has to deal with the concept of utopia. Threre was a lot of talk about this word in the late 1960s and early ’70s when I was growing up. The idea was to create a place of existence where every thing was “perfect” or as close to just right as possible.

Many communes sprang up in response to the desire to experiment with new ways of coexisting.  I lived for a time in two communal situations, one before I was married, and one during my first marriage.  Sadly, it is easy for such groups to become corrupted by those who would seek to manipulate things for their own intention or gain; there are always power struggles, and situations where the weak are taken advantage of by the strong.

The first situation was like one large family, and I felt very much at home there, I was valued and belonged. Although I didn’t remain there very long, for reasons beyond my control, I still feel a strong affection for the people I shared that time with and for the ideals they represented.  The second situation evolved from a group of boarding house residents. We were young, and it was fun, and in some ways I miss that large group that felt like family.

When I think about it now, communes were in many ways, an attempt to create families that felt like a better fit than the one you grew up in, to devise new rules and roles for interacting and mutual support.  I can honestly say that I believe in the utopian concept of trying to create a more perfect world, a better way to live, and a closer way to connect, and given the opportunity I would definitely try communal living again.

Obviously though, the years have brought a better understanding of why some of that interaction needs limitation.  We are creatures of emotion, and relationships require caution and caring so that no one feels used or excluded, or gets hurt. The more people that are involved, the more care and common sense is required. “Anything goes” is not the anthem of a true utopia.

When growing up did you feel like you belonged or did you feel like an outsider? Have you ever lived or considered living in a communal situation? 


Links to all of my 2018 A-Z Posts:

Author: Josie Two Shoes

I've been blogging off and on since August of 2006. I adopted the pen name Josie Two Shoes in 2007 as I began a new chapter of my life standing on my own two feet. Now I'm married to the man of my dreams; we live in dusty West Texas with a house full of furkids. I am an Aquarian by birth, and although I am past sixty and slightly frayed around the edges, my fascination with this thing called life continues. Faith, family, and friends are important to me; so are honesty, trust, tolerance, compassion and kindness. I'm pretty up front about most things, so if you want to know something more about me, just ask! :-) You can also reach me by email and find me at my Facebook page.

11 thoughts on “A to Z – The ABC’s of Me: U”

  1. I have totally heard that about communal living. I have yet to find anyone who hasn’t found that to be true about it. I have to say it makes me sad to think that there was a time that you felt ugly because every time I see you I think you’re cute as a button and I’m not just saying that! I love your beach girl look! And yeah I felt totally awkward and unwanted in some situations but to hell with them is where they always ended up for me!

  2. Communal living is a great theory. Like most theories, when you apply real humans, some of whom will mouth the words but really just want power over others, it falls down. If everyone acted with altruism, a commune would be an ideal place.

    It’s not easy to be an outsider — growing up i usually only had one or two good friends, others who didn’t fit in anywhere else, just like me.

  3. I have always felt like an outsider too. Never lived in a communal situation, that would not work with my introverted personality. I am glad you are comfortable as yourself now, you are a wonderful person. XO

  4. I feel we all need that one love to make us feel unique and beautiful. I am so happy you found yours.
    Stay blessed,dear Josie.

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