This is my seventh year of participation in the A to Z Challenge. My intent this year is to share a little bit about me each day… the good, the bad, and the ugly… so you can get to know “the woman behind the words” a little better!
I was and still am physically uncoordinated. I had trouble learning to ride a bicycle, and gym class was a nightmare for me. I do well to walk upright on two feet, much less stand on my hands or do cartwheels! 🙂 As I get older I find that I also have balance issues that require me to be extra careful on uneven surfaces, or when negotiating curbs, etc. My greatest fear is falling. I feel of the steps of a vacation cabin once years ago and I really don’t want to experience that, or worse, again!
We moved from the town where we were living in the middle of my first grade school year. I learned quickly that groups of friends had already formed in kindergarten and I felt the initial sting of being unwanted and unaccepted as part of the group. That feeling has followed me through life.
I have always felt ugly and uncomfortable in my own skin; it took many years to realize that I am different from most people, and to learn to love myself as I am, as God created me to be.
One of the benefits of going through lots of struggles in life, both internally and in terms of actual experiences, is that you develop an understanding of and an empathy for other people. You learn that not all struggles show, you learn acceptance in spite of differences, you learn compassion.
I have also learned that we are given lessons in life to teach us where are thinking and choices are wrong, and those lessons will continue to be presented to us in various forms until we finally learn them. I was a slow learner for many years when it came to lessons… stubborn and rebellious, and often angry about the unfairness of life.
I am happy to say that my heart is finally more open to accepting the truth of our existence here, the meaning and the purpose, and that when we live in accord with our spiritual nature we end up being far more happy and at peace than we ever could be of our own devise. When we understand that lessons can be a blessing, we no longer feel the sting of emotions that were originally connected to them.
One more bit of trivia about my life that you might find interesting has to deal with the concept of utopia. Threre was a lot of talk about this word in the late 1960s and early ’70s when I was growing up. The idea was to create a place of existence where every thing was “perfect” or as close to just right as possible.
Many communes sprang up in response to the desire to experiment with new ways of coexisting. I lived for a time in two communal situations, one before I was married, and one during my first marriage. Sadly, it is easy for such groups to become corrupted by those who would seek to manipulate things for their own intention or gain; there are always power struggles, and situations where the weak are taken advantage of by the strong.
The first situation was like one large family, and I felt very much at home there, I was valued and belonged. Although I didn’t remain there very long, for reasons beyond my control, I still feel a strong affection for the people I shared that time with and for the ideals they represented. The second situation evolved from a group of boarding house residents. We were young, and it was fun, and in some ways I miss that large group that felt like family.
When I think about it now, communes were in many ways, an attempt to create families that felt like a better fit than the one you grew up in, to devise new rules and roles for interacting and mutual support. I can honestly say that I believe in the utopian concept of trying to create a more perfect world, a better way to live, and a closer way to connect, and given the opportunity I would definitely try communal living again.
Obviously though, the years have brought a better understanding of why some of that interaction needs limitation. We are creatures of emotion, and relationships require caution and caring so that no one feels used or excluded, or gets hurt. The more people that are involved, the more care and common sense is required. “Anything goes” is not the anthem of a true utopia.
When growing up did you feel like you belonged or did you feel like an outsider? Have you ever lived or considered living in a communal situation?
Links to all of my 2018 A-Z Posts:
- A – Aquarian
- B – Blogging
- C – Cantankerous, Cats
- D – Divorce, Domestic Abuse
- E – Enabler, Encourager
- F – Fibromyalgia, Faith, Follow Through
- G – Germany
- H – Hearing Loss, Hair, Hope
- I – Introvert, Independence, Incarceration
- J – Josie Two Shoes
- K – Kids, Kindness
- L – Things I Like
- M – Middle child, Midwest, Moves
- N – New day, Noise, Never, New Mexico
- O – Ocean, Online Dating, Obesity
- P- Purple, People-pleaser, Promises, Peace
- Q – Quiet, Question, Quirky
- R – Rez Kids, Real, Realist, Regrets
- S – South Dakota, Satanism, Survivor
- T – Tattoos, Things, Thought for the Day