This is my seventh year of participation in the A to Z Challenge. My intent this year is to share a little bit about me each day… the good, the bad, and the ugly… so you can get to know “the woman behind the words” a little better!
Anyone who knows my is aware that my favorite color is purple, preferably in a rich royal hue. I love anything and everything purple, it is the first color that my eye will be drawn to. My computer mouse is purple, so is the cover for my tablet. My favorite coat of all time was purple, it was a maxi coat and I had a large purple hat to go with it… think early 70’s! 🙂 I still love hats by the way, though I rarely have occasion to wear one.
Purple hasn’t always been my favorite color, before that I loved sunny yellow, and I still do. Yellow roses are my favorite flowers. Bright yellow reminds me of smiley faces, and it’s impossible to see something that color and not smile. Finding something that has both purple and yellow… like Easter colors, is the best of both worlds as far as I’m concerned. 🙂
For most of my life I was a people-pleaser. I have a caretaker nature, which is a good thing, but people too often take advantage of that, and knowing your tendency to do whatever is asked or expected, they soon turn you into a doormat. Sometimes it is our insecurity and lack of self-esteem that tells us we have to be all things to all people, or else we aren’t good enough.
We aren’t taught the most important thing… that is ok to say NO! I didn’t learn this until I was nearly fifty. We have to be self-protective and learn to do what is healthy for us and in our own best interests. Just because someone we like (or we want to like us) asks us to do something, or worse yet – tells us to do something, doesn’t mean we have to do it. Often they are acting in their own best interests which are not necessarily the same as ours.
When I left my last husband I was determined to stop being a people-pleaser and a doormat. I have learned to stand up for myself, I have learned how to say “no”, and I have also learned that doing so doesn’t require an explanation or the need to defend your position. No means no, period. The more you use it the easier it is to say! 🙂
Tying in with that, I have also learned not to make many promises. It is far too easy to promise something in the emotion of the moment, and then find it difficult to follow through on that promise, or to find yourself resentful because you’ve promised to do something you really don’t want to do after all.
The best plan when it comes to making promises, is to keep them few and far between… make them be a thing of value and importance, and don’t commit to anything until you’ve had time to think it over. If we all made promises less impulsively, and considered the long-term ramifications, there would be far less hurt and disappointment caused by failure to honor or word.
I can think of several situations in my life when i promised someone or a group of people something in all sincerity and with good intent, but for one reason or another I was later unable to keep those promises, and I regret that to this day. Promises are important, use them wisely!
I want to share one last p-word that’s important to me… peace. A love of peace is part of the Aquarian mindset. As a middle sister I often found myself in the role of peacekeeper. I’ve played that role in work situation, marriages, and between friends. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it if you can succeed in restoring harmony. You have to also know when to bow out and let the dust settle on it’s own, this occurs when the people involved don’t want peace, they are emotionally invested in their conflict.
I remember as a child growing up hearing my parents argue at night, it was deeply disturbing to me, it left me feeling fearful and insecure. It made me angry that we, as children, were being subjected to this. I swore to myself that I would never put my kids through that, and when my second marriage became a situation where hostility and conflict were ever-present, I opted to end it, not only for my children’s sake, but also for my own.
My home and my life are now infused with peace. Papa Bear and I have a rule to never, ever go to bed angry with each other. It is even very rare for grumpy words to be exchanged. Peace at all costs is not always the answer, but peace by choice on the part of all involved is. I believe in peace as a way of life. Together we can make it happen.
What is your favorite color? Are you a people-pleaser? Is your home a place of peace?
Links to all of my 2018 A-Z Posts:
- A – Aquarian
- B – Blogging
- C – Cantankerous, Cats
- D – Divorce, Domestic Abuse
- E – Enabler, Encourager
- F – Fibromyalgia, Faith, Follow Through
- G – Germany
- H – Hearing Loss, Hair, Hope
- I – Introvert, Independence, Incarceration
- J – Josie Two Shoes
- K – Kids, Kindness
- L – Things I Like
- M – Middle child, Midwest, Moves
- N – New day, Noise, Never, New Mexico
- O – Ocean, Online Dating, Obesity